our adventure games, almost always, are about spatial navigation and item manipulation. go to the tall hill, use the magic incantation to summon a stormcloud to strike the barren tree, setting it on fire, then take the branch and use it as a torch to light up the darkened cave. rarely, but not never, does this type of game explore the richest labyrinth in human experience: the conversation.
gamer mom, by mordechai buckman and kyler kelly, explores the twisty passages of a single dinner conversation, mapping out the protagonist’s mental space, and the ideas that compete there, with a potent and expressive visual vocabulary. possible avenues of conversation line up in neat, ordered lists or fight for space; some ideas hover on the periphery while others cling to position, slowly withering, stalling for time. the visual organization of gamer mom’s options, as well as kelly’s subtly-changing illustrations, deftly characterize the internal and external nuances of a tiny, futile battle to reclaim a sense of connection within a family.
no kidding: this might be the most important game you play in a while.
36 comments
This game makes me feel a number of emotions. Surprise that the videogame dialogue tree interface, which in so many games is but a rack of inert options, has become so vibrant, so alive, in this game. Admiration at how much of this game’s story is conveyed through illustration, and concern at how few games seem to genuinely call on the strengths of the comic medium like this. And, of course, sympathetic sadness for the title character and her plight.
I wonder if there was very much HyperCard influence in this game. Not just because the buttons are flat white roundrects and the pictures are static black-and-white, but because the dynamic placement of buttons to convey meaning is something that I’ve only really seen in amateur HyperCard games.
Reading the notes he left in the comments of the source is… interesting. (http://adventure.gamism.org/gamer_mom/gm.js)
Lots of expecting others should be like him and little to no interest in meeting them halfway.
I dunno. It makes me sad to see nerds portraying their lack of empathy as something wrong with the other person. I know I’ve done it myself way too much (and still catch myself doing it sometimes).
I sort of sympathize with it without condoning it if that makes any sense.
The source code contains numerous autobiographical comments and is definitely worth reading.
Oops, I suppose that’s what I get for not refreshing the page!
This part is pretty creepy nerdy. Wrote 11 emails to a woman who didn’t want to date him, then blames her for using tact instead of bluntness without realizing we live in a world where women may risk violence if they choose to be blunt.
“I went on a date with a delightfully quirky woman. I was interested in her because her
personality seemed to be very much like mine, and I told her so in a long and precisely-crafted e-mail. My reasoning for the letter was as follows: If she was like me, she might want to know where she stood without ambiguity, because that is how I would always prefer people treat me. And if she was not like me, then my reason for being interested in her was in error and I would want to know that as soon as possible. I was careful to word the letter such that if I was mistaken about her, she could say “no” comfortably and that would be that. Instead, she said we were on the same page. So we went on a date, and all my suspicions about her personality were proven true. Fundamentally she is very much like me.
However, she aspires to fit into the “real world”, while I see it as my life’s mission to make gamistic alternatives to it. We had some wonderful discussion and argumentation, and then she said goodbye with little enthusiasm for seeing me again. So I asked her whether we could meet up again, and she responded that that might be nice. At present I am convinced that that was merely a tactful answer, and that she did not want to ever see
me again. But that is not what she said. Her tact left the possibility of a relationship on the table, maybe because I was so aggressively interested in her that she did not want to hurt my feelings. Since then I am ashamed to say I have written her ten e-mails, some of them quite long. She has barely responded, and when she did respond she did not tell me that I was bothering her, again maybe to not hurt my feelings. So I
figured she was very busy, or wanted to take the time to respond properly, or any of a million other perfectly reasonable explanations for not writing the four words “I don’t like you.” that would tell me where I stand. Finally a friend of mine told me that I needed to stop writing, and that I was so eager to pursue a relationship that I was ignoring the tone of what this woman had been saying. Understand, this intervention came only after two days of my obsessing about uncertainty as to whether or not she was at all interested in me. And when I realized my friend was right after those two days of build-up, it pained me to the point of feeling physically ill. If the woman I’d gone out with had told me in clear
terms that she was not interested in me, and that she was not interested in working to bridge the subtle differences in our worldviews, I would have been disappointed but I would have moved on with my life and I would quickly have been fine. But because she chose tact over honesty, I was left in a state of confusion and false hope which has made it very difficult to focus on anything for the past two days. “Tact” is simply a tactful
word for deception. The earlier a feeling is hurt, the less time that feeling has had to grow deep roots. Even when painful, the entire truth revealed at once is always preferable to pleasant lies that fester over time.”
I don’t think the comments are necessarily autobiographical, but I have nothing but intuition to back up that claim.
Still, awesome find.
ick.
well i guess it doesn’t stretch the boundaries of belief that this game should be written by a sheltered, entitled nerd who is unable to practice empathy or understand the motivations of others.
Just saying
” And I changed from thinking about Normals as my superiors, to thinking of them as my inferiors. I suppose by definition that is bigotry. Probably the only reason I’m not more antagonistic in my
behavior toward Normals is that I understand they’re the majority on this planet, and pissing them off is a sure-fire way to lose everything. But I
don’t want to mingle with them, to subject myself to their disinterested chitchat, to expect them to understand why I do what I do. Now I hang out
with other strange people with strange passions. I talk about what I’m interested in. They talk about what they’re interested in. It’s great. But
what if I had not met such people? What if I had been in socially-mandated communities past high school, for instance if I had gone to college and
then straight into some career path, and all my life I only knew people who weren’t like me? I once met someone with Asperger’s Syndrome so ground down by the people in his life that he was unwilling to speak. That could have been me. ”
Doesn’t really seem to jibe with the game.
also i wish the game being espoused wasn’t world of warcraft because playing the game makes me feel like i’m inducting someone into a cult. WoW is not the “game” i want people to think of when they think of gaming.
still, great game design all other things aside
i think world of warcraft is actually the perfect game for this story.
yeah, the text in the source isn’t necessarily autobiographical – it could just be another layer of fiction. it’s hard to know. gamer mom is still an important game.
Regarding autobiography, Buckman left this reply on Rock, Paper, Shotgun:
“No, sorry, that’s really me. I don’t expect everyone to like me (and it doesn’t bother me much that you don’t), I just wanted to show that this game is something personal, rather than some formula or business plan like so much that’s out there.”
I have a bit of trouble reconciling the tone of the source code comments with the thoughtfulness that went into the author’s interactive adventure game manifesto (written, it seems, over the course of a few months while working on this game. Note: it spans two pages).
The source code comments describe someone who has difficulty intuiting other people’s mindsets, and who is strident in his belief that his neurochemistry (or personality or whatever) is superior to that of the ‘Normals.’ He gets very, very frustrated when people he’s interacting with can’t spit out the piece of factual information he’s looking for (i.e., are you or are you not interested in dating me anymore?)
The manifesto, on the other hand, is primarily about adventure games’ largely untapped potential to let players see the world through a character’s eyes. It is explicitly humanist in this desire, and explicitly chides the majority of adventure games for their simplistic rendering of the messy human condition (or for their sidestepping the issue by turning the protagonist into a psychopathic blank slate who will try to do anything, and — even more relevent to the above — by turning the rest of the characters into information dispensing machines).
These two positions obviously aren’t entirely incompatible. We can imagine the existence of someone who has a low level of empathy but who wishes s/he were otherwise, and who, through game creation/code, attempts to model and thus better understand the messiness of other people’s behavior.
In this case, however, we’d need to dismiss the superiority stuff — the not even wanting to interact with ‘Normals’ — as mere ego buffering.
Which means — whether or not the the source code’s persona is the same as the author’s — we’re dealing with an at least partially unreliable narrator here.
[Apologies for any ablist bullshit that may have slipped through the cracks. This was tricky to write out, and probably wholly inappropriate if it turns out the two personas are one and the same. In any case, the game is great. It makes me terribly uncomfortable to be put in the main character's position, and I think that's a terrific feat.]
(It looks like my comment was eaten by the spam filter — probably because of the link to the authors adventure game manifesto — but, seeing Sergio’s comment above, maybe it’s for the best.
Oh, well. Had the source code comments been a ruse it would have been a brilliant bit of fun.)
Regardless, the manifesto is partially interactive and definitely worth taking a look at. (From the site’s index page, click on “About adventures” and then scroll down to the bottom and click on “I am not myself today”). It shows a side of the author’s personality not quite reflected in the diaristic source code comments, and it’s also very insightful.
Ugh, I hate playing a game and then being squicked out by pretty much everything its author says. The autobio source code comments make it clear that the game isn’t a window into another person’s life but a 1:1 projection of the author’s pet issue(s).
The conversation mechanic is great and it’s wonderful to see a game that tackles that particular facet of human experience; I’d just love to see more people broadening their self-concept with what they create rather than simply reconfirming it to a world where they’re already in the majority.
this game isn’t very interesting. i could tell it was written by some nerd by the writing. it just doesn’t feel real at all, felt more like the deluded reality of someone who feels they are victimized when really they’re actually confusing victimization with not getting their way all the time.
Really, Doo Dad? Without the source code stuff, it never would have crossed my mind that the game itself (and its author) isn’t aware of the fact that the mother character — the one you’re forced to inhabit, the one you’re sort of acting as the free will for, but within the bounds of her fictional personality — is pretty much absurdly inept at getting what she wants from her family (despite the thin thread of choices that can lead to a facade of momentarily, fleeting success), and that she’s fully implicated in what you’re calling her victimization. That’s right there in the text.
None of the characters behave well, but it’s abundantly clear that her mode of interaction with them is not *helping* matters — especially the way she [and this part's particularly smart, because if you're playing multiple times, trying to 'win' the game, you're totally implicated in this] tries to make use of whatever baldfaced tactic she can to get what she wants: facile emotional manipulation, dumb you-like-that-and-that’s-similar-to-this reasoning, etc.
It’s a tragic(ish) tableau because she doesn’t have the perspective necessary to see that the way she pursues these things is part of the problem. (Plus she’s looking forward to playing a game together as though it’ll be a quick fix for 10+ years of reified family dysfunction.)
I’m surprised it’s possible to watch it play out and not think the game is giving you permission to cringe. (If anything, I was worried the game was in danger of making the mother/player *too* inept, *too* easy to laugh at, but figured that was the brand of comedy it was going for and went along with it.)
But, apart from that, it’s interesting that she is simply not very good at playing this game, no?
Yeah there’s 1) trying to engage someone in something you find personally fascinating and 2) horrible nerd culture where you try to disseminate your favorite game like a religion and this feels more like 2)
Poop. I would have liked it more if it was fiction. Instead now all I can do is think about how an autistic person would approach a conversation like this. Then reading his manifesto on adventure games is even more depressing, as it’s clear that the only human being he really understands is himself. The weaker points of the game (the wildly emotional and easily hurt writing for the mom) becomes more of a clear stereotype for women than an actual description of a person raised under these stereotypes. Oh well.
I think his artist really made this work. The text by itself would be awkward and depressing, but the emotion conveyed by the character expressions and poses transforms it into something completely different.
I really liked how the father is using a laptop and the daughter is busy texting. While they’re using technology to opt-out of interacting as a family, the mother wants to find a way to use technology to bring them back together.
As a side note, I’m pretty sure that being physically unable to pick up on social cues would make a lot of experiences feel like “being lied to”.
Whether or not the dev’s skeevy, I liked the game and I liked the character of the mom. There does seem to be a real problem in this family, though it’s not that they don’t play WoW- they don’t feel connected, they don’t care about each other’s feelings, they won’t even bother hearing each other out, etc. Whether or not it’s reasonable for Gamer Mom to ask them to play Warcraft, it’s really reasonable for her to want them to at least do things together sometimes and for them maybe to treat her as a human being instead of as the thing that makes the dinner and should stop bothering them. Maybe WoW is what the story frames it as- maybe it’s even what Gamer Mom frames it as in her mind- but this isn’t a happy family as it is, and even if she’s not going about it exactly the best way, at least she’s trying to do SOMETHING to bring them together. And the fact that none of the others are trying at all- not even to meet Gamer Mom halfway and agree to do something else as a family- is pretty heartbreaking.
I haven’t won the game. I’ve got them to begrudgingly try WoW, although it didn’t go anywhere. But I couldn’t make it happen by actually talking about wanting to do things as a family, or by playing it as something that might be appealing to them. The only way I could even get them next to the computer was by just telling them it was going to happen, and then leaving- the same sort of uncommunicative bullshit they’d been pulling the whole time. And of course, it didn’t really work. That’s what made this actually good for me- WoW didn’t fix anything, because they still has the same problems, and it made me feel like it was obvious that their lack of interest in WoW wasn’t the real problem that needed fixing.
Of course, the dev’s intentions are probably a lot different, but whatever, my interpretation works for me XD
(out of curiosity, did anybody actually get a positive resolution? I kind of want to see how that would happen and what it would look like.)
I actually really identified with the author here. That used to be me. I didn’t harass people quite like he did, but I know where he’s coming from. It’s terribly lonely, it really does feel like everybody is hostile to you and talking at people about some hobby you have is pretty much the only way you know to connect with people. You’re an insensitive, skeezy jerk even when you’re trying really hard not to be.
This is one of those situations where the patriarchy really screws men. Men aren’t taught this stuff and all of the books on the subject are targeted at little girls. The only way this guy is going to learn social skills is if he gets a diagnosis and takes some classes.
Women, on the other hand, are force fed social skills through nearly every TV show, book and toy aimed at us. We can’t buy Lego sets without being subjected to preachy messages about friendship, fashion and proper grooming. We’re also allowed to acknowledge and fix these sorts of problems. I am so glad I transitioned right now.
Gamer Mom makes me incredibly sad as the youngest son. Thankfully it was my mom who got me into gaming in the first place and even yesterday I was helping her play through Kings Bounty.
But this is just…well. It’s well written, I wish there were more healthy responses to this kind of thing, but that Husband, wow.
I don’t know if they’re realistic (if extreme) characters or just plain strawmen but the only one I could really understand was the mother. Family drifting apart, spending time at home alone after kids are raised trying to do something with a family.
Also, Vicki, maybe in that specific case? But as a male I like to believe I’ve learnt a great deal of empathy even as a child and it only grew as I got older. Wasn’t entirely sure if that’s what you meant but the dividers between gender aren’t entirely clear cut like that.
I assume you know and were just making a point of course, but I felt compelled to counterpoint anyway!
I really ‘enjoyed’ playing this.
Vicki: Yep, pretty much.
What can I say, I’m a pretty bitter sperg.
I’m with Vicki and Muteki on this one- the comments strike me as the heartbreakingly lonely story of someone who’s unable to fully engage with the world around him.
Reading this thread, I can’t help but think that several of you folks are being awfully judgmental and borderline mean about it.
- HC
I played this through a few times (without reading the notes in the code) and I came away thinking the gamer mom was as much to blame for her broken family life as the other characters.
HC, we can sympathize while still saying he should treat people decently. Is it too judgmental to say that he should respect women?
I think I’d be less judgmental if people like him didn’t already comprise a non-trivial portion of the games community. I spend too much time reading “hyper-logical” rationalizations of straight white male privilege and how women are bitches and whores to just hand someone my sympathy carte blanche because they’re incapable of empathy. Maybe if he didn’t occupy a social and financial class higher than myself and had some kind of relatable flaw other than being helplessly offensive, I might find some for him.
There really is such a thing as being too inclusive.
Well, for starters, a lot of people in the videogame community use lack of social skills as an excuse. They’re full of crap, they choose to be jerks and don’t want to be called on it. This guy’s the real deal.
You should definitely be judgmental of his actions and attitudes toward women. He needs that more than anyone. He’s probably kind of a jerk and the real tragedy is that he won’t get called on his privilege. He’s going to hold onto that privilege for dear life, tragically unaware of how much he’s missing because of it. He’s going to need to recognize his privilege, he’s going to need to learn to spot sexism and reject it, he’s going to need to completely reject femmephobia and he’s going to need to do this without ever having a real conversation with a woman.
Here’s his toolbox. He’s got privilege, he’s got entitlement, and he’s got all of the horrible things guys say in online games. Everything the patriarchy has given him only serves to separate him from other people.
Men are hurt by the patriarchy, too. It may seem like a small thing that men are denied access to feminine things, but that’s only because we have been taught that feminine things are inferior. It’s actually a great and terrible loss, and in the case of people like this man and myself it means losing the cure to a terrible loneliness.
I transitioned. This poor guy is likely going to have to wait for the patriarchy to die before he gets the chance I did. What do you think his chances are of that happening soon enough that he gets to have a long, full life?
“What do you think his chances are of that happening soon enough that he gets to have a long, full life?”
Oh, hence the bitterness for sure. Enterprising people will always be out there.
guys, the author contacted me to ask me to explain what was problematic about his actions. which i take as a sign of his active interest in changing himself.
Being born neurotypical is a privilege, too, and I can’t help but feel that many of you posting in this thread are so wrapped up around the fact that the author is male, straight, and presumably white that you forget that.
Perhaps it’s just that from my perspective, I don’t read the “Date story” as a story about how the author doesn’t respect women or thinks that women are manipulative or nasty or evil; I read it as a story about how difficult the author finds it to communicate with other people and how the social world doesn’t function in a way that’s easy for him to process which happens to involve a woman.
I’m not trying to say that this dude couldn’t do better, and I’m glad that it looks like he’s interested in improving. Much of what’s been posted here, however, seems to be a lot of bandwagoning about how awful “nerds” are.
- HC
Good to hear. He’s handling it better than I did.
While there is a large part of the nerd community that insists they can’t understand what goes on in the minds of women, they don’t generally politely ask women what’s up. They tell them how it is. It’s pretty clear they have empathy but don’t consider women as part of their in-group.
god im so fucking repetitive
Story of my life. No, really. (Also I don’t get all the sexism comments?)
First of all, I can defiantly relate to the mother character, not as a mother but as a daughter. I had no brothers and sisters, and also went to an all girls school (and in highschool) where games were either “That stupid thing that my brother/boyfriend plays or “Oh like mario, I used to play that as a kid!”.
There was one game that required a bit of co op for one level, I saved up my money desperately in hopes to buy a 2nd game boy advance so I could finish a level on “Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles”. I think that conversation went on about a month, where my mum would be the one who was too tired and my dad would make up some lame excuse each time. Sometimes I’d try that with lunchtimes with friends, most of them would be as dismissive as my parents.
Point is, the tone of voice of the “Mother” isn’t that of a male, or a female, but I do think it is one of immaturity that is something that many? mothers might not have?
I think social barriers between what he has faced and what I have faced are very similar. I do think I have a little bit of advantage in this situation though, where guys would approach me (there’s not that many ladies in computer science), and sometimes I’d really connect with someone (or accidently lead on without realising and then freak out). But one guy in particular, that I really connected with, found that person to play games with, that understood me and was like an older mentor, I’d drive them away with my obsessiveness over some topics (and then blame them for using tact), rather then saying “Izzy, stop it, you’re being annoying” or “I can only take you in small doses” instead of just cutting me off completely. The other part that sucks, was I’d burn bridges without even realsing it, and it’d be that whole thing of “being alone in a crowded room”.
I don’t think it’s privilege, or understanding women’s minds. I think it’s just not understanding people, and I kind of wish there were more games like this, because I suck at people. I know how to network, I’ve learnt how to “small talk” really well, but I don’t know how to really talk to someone about something and not get annoying, or obsessive about it.
If the author reads this: The one way that I’ve learnt to deal with it, is do the 1-1 ratio of talking, if you start a conversation, then the next time they’ll have to start one and so forth. If there’s a large gap of silence, only say something that would interest the other person… don’t start with small talk. As bad as this sounds, but have your “bitch buddy” or “Venting friends” kept on the internet, those who don’t know your other friends. It stops you from getting hurt if they suddenly cut you off, and it reduces the amount of bridges being burned if they say stuff to other people.
Thank you for making this game.
You’re not alone.
You should also know that not everyone is going to have a problem with the way you express yourself. Most people will, and that’ll make it hard to notice the ones who don’t, but you’ll meet people who genuinely want to hear what you like talking about. You’ll hopefully also meet people who you genuinely want to listen to as they talk about their own lives. If you’re really lucky, they’ll even be the same people. I say this as someone who is now getting married to an amazing woman, who has ADD and shares my desire to be 100% honest at all times. Just a year ago I was living the emotions of Gamer Mom every day, and now that alienation feels like a distant memory.
So basically what I’m saying is, find the right people. It’s great to have tactics for dealing with everyone else, but find someone who you don’t need to keep at arm’s length, who you never need to play social games with, who will always be honest with you even when it’s not tactful, who actually likes you for you, and you’re set for life. The rest of your social interactions are never going to be as satisfying as that, no matter how you approach them. So by all means, deal with people how you can. But keep your eyes open for someone who won’t take an effort to deal with.
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